A new page of life with STEPPARENTS!
I’m pretty sure that this is a familiar problem nowadays. However, we have to admit sometimes, when someone tells you their new life with a person who is becoming their “father” or “mother”, you will be confused in a while. You can see that, though it is familiar, the way our teens have to deal and face with is still a serious problem because of its shocks. Here is an example of Shelly:
When her father took her to their favorite coffee shop for what he called a “very important talk,” Shelly’s instincts told her that her dad was getting married again. After he broke the news to her, though, Shelly’s father surprised her by asking how she felt about having a stepmother. (source: kidshealth.org)
If you had been her, what would you have reacted? If I had been in her shoes, I would have been shocked and felt like I had been tricked for a long time. Why didn’t he tell me sooner?…and so forth the questions began with “Why?”. It would lead to an anger at first and then turned to a disappointment.
And about Shelly, she didn’t have an immediate answer. She was completely confused with a range of emotions: jealousy about her father’s new life, sadness over her parents’s divorce 3 years ago, and feelings of insecurity living her new father’s life.
You obviously know Cinderella, don’t you?
Fairy tales usually bring the relationship between step mother and daughter to educate children about ethics in life. And because of its effect, children always have a prejudice against stepparents. They think that stepparents must be very cruel, fierce, wicked and violent. As a result, they can not deal with that misunderstanding and be scared. However, if they listen to their parents’s feelings, it will have a solution for this harsh problem.
Building a firm foundation in this relationship is different from the others. After all, if you fall in love with someone and want to be a part of their life, you are the one who make decisions for your life. Whereas, a stepparent is the one who is loved and invited into your house by your mother or father to become a new member of your family. A stepparent may feel like he or she is extremely a stranger who is suddenly inserted into the most personal aspects of your life. Besides, he or she may have children, so you have stepsiblings also. This actually can cause stress for you, or we call it as a “Family dynamics”: lots of emotions and questions are bound to come up any time a new member joins a pre-existing family. It’s all about fitting in, recognizing what’s going on, and being willing to make compromises in order to adjust to the fact that the family is changing (kidshealth.org).
Actually, there are some ways to help you get accustomed to having a stepparent, they could be good advices as solutions:
Firstly, you need to control your unnecessary feelings to find out the truly nice person he or she is. Both sides need to understand each other a little to reduce a tense atmosphere when talking face to face. Unfortunately, sometimes you really do not have a negative feeling about that new member, you are still confused with the changes he or she is creating and it could lead to unpleasant look. Whenever you feel that way, look for some thing you can do to improve your thoughts and feelings.
2. Talk to your own friends. They may be in the same situation as you so that they can give some advices or tell you their experiments in that new life. Friendship is a considerable help which rescues you from the hopelessness by talking to them, showing them how you feel and taking their reasonable tips.
3. Try to talk to your parent or another trusted adult: a family should understand each member clearly to improve the relationship and erase the generation gap. That is the reason why the most important person you need to talk to is your parent, the one who loves you and has accidentally turned your life into a new page. You should express how you feel to let them help you deal with reality. If not, you can also talk to your old friend. I’m sure they will listen to you and find the best solution together.
Entering a stepparent situation can be particularly challenging for teens. Feeling like your family life has been disrupted can be especially difficult because of all the other changes that take place during the teenage years. If you find that your new situation has left you feeling sad most of the time, you may want to talk to a doctor or therapist.
Secondly, last but not least is facing the realities. Your father or mother loves your stepparent, so that just let this be a part of your life too. And to make it in the peaceful way, you should talk to your parent, ask them about what to expect before your new stepparent joins the family. It will help you prepared for what lies ahead. For example, ask about your stepsibling and the way you will share the room, discuss the vacations together, figure out some things which could be very important to you and you do not want to change it. For example, if you and your dad always go fishing over holidays and never want to cancel it because of some small reasons, let your stepparent know, she will respect your precious time with “daddy”.
What will you do when you have an opposite side with your stepparent? How can you deal with it without disrespect?
Staying calm is the most vital thing, then making your opinion clear to express your feelings. For example, if you have an exam tomorrow but your parent and stepparent are both busy working late, you will be suppose to babysit your stepsibling. Let they know that you can not afford to studying while babysitting and give a suggestion such as hiring a babysitter or somehow.
If you’re particularly mad about something, it can feel hard not to lose control. But managing your anger and taking extra care to choose respectful language will help your stepparent see you for the mature person you are.
Especially, to be more closer with your new members, hang out with them! Seeing a movie, going on the roller coaster, having dinner together, etc. are always an interesting impression from the beginning.
Remind yourself that every situation is different. A new beautiful family can be built from both efforts of you and your new members. Be open with them! Although change is often difficult, it can be good, too.
Finally, a happy ending like every fairy tale happened:“Three months after her dad remarried, Shelly was beginning to enjoy the time she spent with her father and stepmother. She couldn’t help but see how happy her dad was — especially when the three of them did things together. And when she needed some alone time for just the two of them, she and her dad headed to the coffee shop. Despite all the changes in their lives, some things didn’t change between Shelly and her dad — like the fact he thought there was way too much sugar and caffeine in the frozen mocha cappuccino and always made her pick something else.” (source kidshealth.org)
S’ID: BAAU 09338
!!!^O^Nguyễn Lê Hà My ^O^!!!!
P/S: I’m so sorry, I know that I’m lack of writing skill, so….just accept this as my best effort ^O^, ukie???? THHHHHHXXXXX u guys!